Every year, our good friends who reside outside of Saint Louis open their home and their hot tub to their closest friends for a long weekend of binge drinking and debauchery. Since they are lucky enough to also be the proud owners of a sizable backyard us Chicago kids, amazed by the wide-open space, set up camp in the backyard and become 'The Clampers' for the weekend.
Clamspringa, proceeded by the original 'Clam Bake' and last year's 'Burning Clam' marked the 3rd anniversary of these Clam-centric festivities. And this year, it was more fun than ever. Each year consists of the same activities, we wake up early, drink a lot, eat a lot, get in the hot tub, set some shit on fire, and pass out before midnight. Followed by the next day of getting up early, making breakfast, going to Schnucks (for more Bud Light and Chips), and repeating the day all over again.
For the past two years, Sunday marked the day of the 'Family Party' where a big BBQ was hosted to intermingle the friends and the family. Unfortunately, since The Clampers had already spent most of their day drinking, smoking, and sun bathing, it was a little difficult to mix these two elements without some mild hilarity ensuing. This year, the family portion of the itinerary was nixed in lieu of the strictly Clamper BBQ. However, mild hilarity still managed to ensue.
Our recently divorced pilot friend 'Bob' brought his new Bottom B along to meet everyone. Sweet girl, gullible girl, a total Bob girl. Granted some of this gullibility could be contributed to her only being 23, some of it could be that she rarely ventures outside of Des Moines, Iowa. In either case, she truly was very nice, once she stopped trying so hard to 'say something' and get attention. For example, none of The Clampers, including the Father and Mother of Clamspringa have children. In fact, none of us want kids. One of the big reasons that we can all take off for Memorial Day weekend every year for this much needed weekend of debauchery is because we don't have kids and are all happily Child Free.
Well Sally, don't let your head explode over that one! When she found out that she was among the happily Child Free, she looked around blankly and remarked 'What do you mean you don't want kyyyydz?'. Followed immediately by 'AMY, HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT KYYYYDDZZZ?' when she realized that she did not garner the attention she wanted with her previous statement. Getting annoyed, I decided to smack this down to move on with the conversation and ask Sally, why on EARTH would anyone want a 'Fuck Trophy', 'Crib Lizard', or 'Flesh Loaf' of their very own when my husband and I get to take off to spend a weekend with great friends at the drop of a hat? Well, not surprisingly, she didn't have much of a retort, if any, that I can remember as I was knee deep into a case of beer. But maybe, just maybe, by meeting new people she opened her eyes to a lifestyle that she didn't know she could have.
But what do I know? That is the same night I drank half a 5th of Belvedere 'Intense' and fell in the hot tub, twice. Then woke up the next day to do it all over again.
Now that we are safe and sound at home and the 'Clamper' gear is put away until next time, I can sit and reflect on how lucky John and I are to have such amazing people in our lives to spend a long weekend with. And that not everyone is as lucky as we are to have that, girls like Sally may be a good example of that.
But until next year, or at least for the rest of the week it is time to get back to reality, nurse my bruised knees from my epic descent into the hot tub, lose the 10 pounds of Bud Light that has managed to take up residence in my mid-section, and eat something that is not from the makers of Frito Lay.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
32, and Happily Child Free
I always knew that having children was not the right thing for me to do. Even when I was a small child some of my earliest memories involve me distinctly disliking other children, baby dolls, playing 'house', and anything else that would try to turn a little girl into a future mommy. I can probably psychoanalyze my aversion toward children but I don't want to get into that today. The point of the day is that these feelings only get stronger the older I get. And the older I get, the happier and more self-assured in my decisions I become and that includes being child free.
In high school, when I proclaimed that I don't want children now or ever I was always met with a patronizing stare and the retort that 'I'll change my mind someday'. Or worse, being told that women who don't want children are immediately dismissed as 'selfish' or 'not normal'. These kind remarks have come from everywhere and anyone; from my own family, school teachers, friends, and the media. Because all 'normal' women breed and just luuurve little baaybeees, right? Well, not all women do and I am one of those women.
It wasn't until college that I began to discover people who were like-minded in the child free lifestyle, what the child free lifestyle is, and that it is okay to be child free. My roommate, who I credit as being the first self-proclaimed child free woman that I have met introduced me to a wealth of information on the Internet for people who don't want kids and who are proud and happy of their decision, including the famous and now defunct 'Brats Rant Page'. After pouring over page after page of ranting of the hell that the child free go through being assaulted by breeders and their ill-behaved offspring, courage from child free people who are successful and who dare to not become another societal drone following some imposed life-script, and people who are fulfilled and happy to be who they are without children. I began to truly understand that you don't have to do something just because you are always told that is the way everyone should live. It was okay to not want to have children and still live a happy, normal, and fulfilled life. It wasn't just okay to be child free, it was fabulous to be child free.
But the issue is, where are these proud child free people represented in our day to day society? Sure, we have some online blogs and support groups. But as far as our mass media is concerned, the pressure to breed is bearing down upon us and time is ticking for women to make sure they 'have it all' before it is too late. You can't make it through a checkout line without seeing the latest headline of some celebutwat who is either knocked up or rumored to be so. Even fashion magazines kowtow to the breeder machine by telling us that our 30's are the time to get married, squirt out a few crib lizards, and still manage to get that promotion. I know that I am not the only woman walking the earth who finds this breeder-centric attitude revolting. So where are the child free and why don't we have a share of the voice? It is time in our society that we begin to accept the child free as a viable sector of the community. People who are smart, funny, have great jobs, great friends, loving spouses, and who love their lives without knowing the supposed 'joy' of birthing some progeny who may just be another future mediocre asshole.
I am here to say out loud that you don't have to breed to be a happy adult. Being a happy adult means making the decisions that are right for you, regardless of the people who will bear down on you to do what they think is 'right' or 'normal'. I guess those people are just proof that misery loves company and having to slave away tending to sickly or otherwise disappointing children is there lot in life, it is not for everyone. It is definitely not for me, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I'll dare to be happy on my own terms.
In high school, when I proclaimed that I don't want children now or ever I was always met with a patronizing stare and the retort that 'I'll change my mind someday'. Or worse, being told that women who don't want children are immediately dismissed as 'selfish' or 'not normal'. These kind remarks have come from everywhere and anyone; from my own family, school teachers, friends, and the media. Because all 'normal' women breed and just luuurve little baaybeees, right? Well, not all women do and I am one of those women.
It wasn't until college that I began to discover people who were like-minded in the child free lifestyle, what the child free lifestyle is, and that it is okay to be child free. My roommate, who I credit as being the first self-proclaimed child free woman that I have met introduced me to a wealth of information on the Internet for people who don't want kids and who are proud and happy of their decision, including the famous and now defunct 'Brats Rant Page'. After pouring over page after page of ranting of the hell that the child free go through being assaulted by breeders and their ill-behaved offspring, courage from child free people who are successful and who dare to not become another societal drone following some imposed life-script, and people who are fulfilled and happy to be who they are without children. I began to truly understand that you don't have to do something just because you are always told that is the way everyone should live. It was okay to not want to have children and still live a happy, normal, and fulfilled life. It wasn't just okay to be child free, it was fabulous to be child free.
But the issue is, where are these proud child free people represented in our day to day society? Sure, we have some online blogs and support groups. But as far as our mass media is concerned, the pressure to breed is bearing down upon us and time is ticking for women to make sure they 'have it all' before it is too late. You can't make it through a checkout line without seeing the latest headline of some celebutwat who is either knocked up or rumored to be so. Even fashion magazines kowtow to the breeder machine by telling us that our 30's are the time to get married, squirt out a few crib lizards, and still manage to get that promotion. I know that I am not the only woman walking the earth who finds this breeder-centric attitude revolting. So where are the child free and why don't we have a share of the voice? It is time in our society that we begin to accept the child free as a viable sector of the community. People who are smart, funny, have great jobs, great friends, loving spouses, and who love their lives without knowing the supposed 'joy' of birthing some progeny who may just be another future mediocre asshole.
I am here to say out loud that you don't have to breed to be a happy adult. Being a happy adult means making the decisions that are right for you, regardless of the people who will bear down on you to do what they think is 'right' or 'normal'. I guess those people are just proof that misery loves company and having to slave away tending to sickly or otherwise disappointing children is there lot in life, it is not for everyone. It is definitely not for me, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I'll dare to be happy on my own terms.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Thanks for Coming to Lincoln Park, Kuma's Too!
I still have never eaten at the original Kuma's on Belmont. John and I showed up once 10 minutes before the place opened for the day and we were yelled at by a heavily tattooed girl behind the bar that they were still closed. If I wasn't starving, I would have had the sense to retort and ask 'Then why is the damn front door open?'. But I digress, we left and had not had the chance to make our way out there since.
But happily, a couple of weeks ago Kuma's opened their 2nd location at 666 W. Diversey in the old Counter location. Honestly, the space felt to 'clean' for a burger place that has made its reputation on being 'metal'. Sure, all of the staff have full tatoo sleeves, wear ironic shirts, have funky hair colors, and seem to enjoy being rude to the customers. They basically are non-conformists that all do the exact same thing as the next person to stand out. And still have the audacity to look at me as though I am any ordinary 'yuppie', go figure. But something about pumping loud music into a clean cut space just doesn't quite settle right. Sure, the walls are covered with vintage posters of famous metal bands (Metallica, Judas Preist, etc.), and by covered, they are all neatly framed and hung evenly. And they also try to prove how 'edgy' they are by hanging naked lady pictures in the hallway back by the bathrooms.
If Kuma's wants to be a Lincoln Park metal bar, then they should do it. Not conform to some watered-down idea that they think the Lincoln Parkateers would be happy with. It's insulting to those of us who live in the neighborhood and actually appreciate it for being a diverse area with something for everyone. Sure, we have DePaul University and annoying college kids, Wrigley Field and drunk ex-frat boys, and entitled stroller bitches tooling up and down the neighborhood streets with their Bugaboos. But, we also have establishments that have stood the test of time regardless of the changing environment. You don't see establishments like Delilah's, Neo, the L&L, or even the Metro trying to change who they are to make the Yuppie Brigade happy, do you? And these places have been open since before I was born.
Because, unlike Kuma's, these places that have stood the test of time and realize that the majority of the annoyances that I mention above are temporary blips in the life of Chicago. Inevitably, the annoying DePaul Student becomes the Wrigleyville ex-frat boy who will meet a vacant trixie and they then morph into the Yuppie parents. And before you know it they have shipped themselves out to the suburbs and oblivion. Then there are the rest of us who, sure at one time were probably annoying college kids, but who have grown up, own homes, hold down good jobs, and have made the decision to make Chciago a permanent home. We just prefer to live park and lake adjacent rather than be conformist cool and live in Logan Square.
On a positive note, I am in love with Kuma's burgers. We went last Friday after work and I am still thinking about my meal and trying to come up with any excuse to go back, and soon! I also liked the loud music, absence of TV's, and booze selections. It is a great addition to the neighborhood for those who appreciate an alternative to a sports bar. Kuma's Too just needs to drop the perception that they only dane to be part of the Lincoln Park community instead of actually being a member.
But happily, a couple of weeks ago Kuma's opened their 2nd location at 666 W. Diversey in the old Counter location. Honestly, the space felt to 'clean' for a burger place that has made its reputation on being 'metal'. Sure, all of the staff have full tatoo sleeves, wear ironic shirts, have funky hair colors, and seem to enjoy being rude to the customers. They basically are non-conformists that all do the exact same thing as the next person to stand out. And still have the audacity to look at me as though I am any ordinary 'yuppie', go figure. But something about pumping loud music into a clean cut space just doesn't quite settle right. Sure, the walls are covered with vintage posters of famous metal bands (Metallica, Judas Preist, etc.), and by covered, they are all neatly framed and hung evenly. And they also try to prove how 'edgy' they are by hanging naked lady pictures in the hallway back by the bathrooms.
If Kuma's wants to be a Lincoln Park metal bar, then they should do it. Not conform to some watered-down idea that they think the Lincoln Parkateers would be happy with. It's insulting to those of us who live in the neighborhood and actually appreciate it for being a diverse area with something for everyone. Sure, we have DePaul University and annoying college kids, Wrigley Field and drunk ex-frat boys, and entitled stroller bitches tooling up and down the neighborhood streets with their Bugaboos. But, we also have establishments that have stood the test of time regardless of the changing environment. You don't see establishments like Delilah's, Neo, the L&L, or even the Metro trying to change who they are to make the Yuppie Brigade happy, do you? And these places have been open since before I was born.
Because, unlike Kuma's, these places that have stood the test of time and realize that the majority of the annoyances that I mention above are temporary blips in the life of Chicago. Inevitably, the annoying DePaul Student becomes the Wrigleyville ex-frat boy who will meet a vacant trixie and they then morph into the Yuppie parents. And before you know it they have shipped themselves out to the suburbs and oblivion. Then there are the rest of us who, sure at one time were probably annoying college kids, but who have grown up, own homes, hold down good jobs, and have made the decision to make Chciago a permanent home. We just prefer to live park and lake adjacent rather than be conformist cool and live in Logan Square.
On a positive note, I am in love with Kuma's burgers. We went last Friday after work and I am still thinking about my meal and trying to come up with any excuse to go back, and soon! I also liked the loud music, absence of TV's, and booze selections. It is a great addition to the neighborhood for those who appreciate an alternative to a sports bar. Kuma's Too just needs to drop the perception that they only dane to be part of the Lincoln Park community instead of actually being a member.
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