Stopping to smell the flowers....
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Clamspringa - 2013: The Aftermath, The Hangover, The Constipation
Every year, our good friends who reside outside of Saint Louis open their home and their hot tub to their closest friends for a long weekend of binge drinking and debauchery. Since they are lucky enough to also be the proud owners of a sizable backyard us Chicago kids, amazed by the wide-open space, set up camp in the backyard and become 'The Clampers' for the weekend.
Clamspringa, proceeded by the original 'Clam Bake' and last year's 'Burning Clam' marked the 3rd anniversary of these Clam-centric festivities. And this year, it was more fun than ever. Each year consists of the same activities, we wake up early, drink a lot, eat a lot, get in the hot tub, set some shit on fire, and pass out before midnight. Followed by the next day of getting up early, making breakfast, going to Schnucks (for more Bud Light and Chips), and repeating the day all over again.
For the past two years, Sunday marked the day of the 'Family Party' where a big BBQ was hosted to intermingle the friends and the family. Unfortunately, since The Clampers had already spent most of their day drinking, smoking, and sun bathing, it was a little difficult to mix these two elements without some mild hilarity ensuing. This year, the family portion of the itinerary was nixed in lieu of the strictly Clamper BBQ. However, mild hilarity still managed to ensue.
Our recently divorced pilot friend 'Bob' brought his new Bottom B along to meet everyone. Sweet girl, gullible girl, a total Bob girl. Granted some of this gullibility could be contributed to her only being 23, some of it could be that she rarely ventures outside of Des Moines, Iowa. In either case, she truly was very nice, once she stopped trying so hard to 'say something' and get attention. For example, none of The Clampers, including the Father and Mother of Clamspringa have children. In fact, none of us want kids. One of the big reasons that we can all take off for Memorial Day weekend every year for this much needed weekend of debauchery is because we don't have kids and are all happily Child Free.
Well Sally, don't let your head explode over that one! When she found out that she was among the happily Child Free, she looked around blankly and remarked 'What do you mean you don't want kyyyydz?'. Followed immediately by 'AMY, HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT KYYYYDDZZZ?' when she realized that she did not garner the attention she wanted with her previous statement. Getting annoyed, I decided to smack this down to move on with the conversation and ask Sally, why on EARTH would anyone want a 'Fuck Trophy', 'Crib Lizard', or 'Flesh Loaf' of their very own when my husband and I get to take off to spend a weekend with great friends at the drop of a hat? Well, not surprisingly, she didn't have much of a retort, if any, that I can remember as I was knee deep into a case of beer. But maybe, just maybe, by meeting new people she opened her eyes to a lifestyle that she didn't know she could have.
But what do I know? That is the same night I drank half a 5th of Belvedere 'Intense' and fell in the hot tub, twice. Then woke up the next day to do it all over again.
Now that we are safe and sound at home and the 'Clamper' gear is put away until next time, I can sit and reflect on how lucky John and I are to have such amazing people in our lives to spend a long weekend with. And that not everyone is as lucky as we are to have that, girls like Sally may be a good example of that.
But until next year, or at least for the rest of the week it is time to get back to reality, nurse my bruised knees from my epic descent into the hot tub, lose the 10 pounds of Bud Light that has managed to take up residence in my mid-section, and eat something that is not from the makers of Frito Lay.
Clamspringa, proceeded by the original 'Clam Bake' and last year's 'Burning Clam' marked the 3rd anniversary of these Clam-centric festivities. And this year, it was more fun than ever. Each year consists of the same activities, we wake up early, drink a lot, eat a lot, get in the hot tub, set some shit on fire, and pass out before midnight. Followed by the next day of getting up early, making breakfast, going to Schnucks (for more Bud Light and Chips), and repeating the day all over again.
For the past two years, Sunday marked the day of the 'Family Party' where a big BBQ was hosted to intermingle the friends and the family. Unfortunately, since The Clampers had already spent most of their day drinking, smoking, and sun bathing, it was a little difficult to mix these two elements without some mild hilarity ensuing. This year, the family portion of the itinerary was nixed in lieu of the strictly Clamper BBQ. However, mild hilarity still managed to ensue.
Our recently divorced pilot friend 'Bob' brought his new Bottom B along to meet everyone. Sweet girl, gullible girl, a total Bob girl. Granted some of this gullibility could be contributed to her only being 23, some of it could be that she rarely ventures outside of Des Moines, Iowa. In either case, she truly was very nice, once she stopped trying so hard to 'say something' and get attention. For example, none of The Clampers, including the Father and Mother of Clamspringa have children. In fact, none of us want kids. One of the big reasons that we can all take off for Memorial Day weekend every year for this much needed weekend of debauchery is because we don't have kids and are all happily Child Free.
Well Sally, don't let your head explode over that one! When she found out that she was among the happily Child Free, she looked around blankly and remarked 'What do you mean you don't want kyyyydz?'. Followed immediately by 'AMY, HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT KYYYYDDZZZ?' when she realized that she did not garner the attention she wanted with her previous statement. Getting annoyed, I decided to smack this down to move on with the conversation and ask Sally, why on EARTH would anyone want a 'Fuck Trophy', 'Crib Lizard', or 'Flesh Loaf' of their very own when my husband and I get to take off to spend a weekend with great friends at the drop of a hat? Well, not surprisingly, she didn't have much of a retort, if any, that I can remember as I was knee deep into a case of beer. But maybe, just maybe, by meeting new people she opened her eyes to a lifestyle that she didn't know she could have.
But what do I know? That is the same night I drank half a 5th of Belvedere 'Intense' and fell in the hot tub, twice. Then woke up the next day to do it all over again.
Now that we are safe and sound at home and the 'Clamper' gear is put away until next time, I can sit and reflect on how lucky John and I are to have such amazing people in our lives to spend a long weekend with. And that not everyone is as lucky as we are to have that, girls like Sally may be a good example of that.
But until next year, or at least for the rest of the week it is time to get back to reality, nurse my bruised knees from my epic descent into the hot tub, lose the 10 pounds of Bud Light that has managed to take up residence in my mid-section, and eat something that is not from the makers of Frito Lay.
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