With this election season come and gone the question 'Are you better off now than you were 4 years ago?' has been thrown around a lot over the past few months.
My grandmother passed away last August and so for the first time in 4 years John and I packed up the Jetta and headed down to Cape Girardeau, MO. Of course the focus of these few days in Cape should have been on Grandma and the funeral, and they were, however the conversation among my conservative family inevitably turned to politics. The points mostly being on how Obama hates small business, religion, and puppies. It's as if Rush Limbaugh is speaking the Gospel and they cannot get enough. In fact, one of the first things my grandpa asked John and me, after not seeing or speaking to us in 4 years, was whether or not we were better off now than we were 4 years ago. John looked him straight in the eye and said 'yes'. And it couldn't be more true.
In the past 4 years, it seems as if nothing but great things have happened. John has been at his current company and moved positions, I have been at my current company and been promoted. We also got engaged, bought a home in Lakeview, made some of the best friends that we could ever ask for, and got married in a nice little ceremony on Oahu. We have really started to make a life for ourselves here in Chicago. Personally and somewhat superficially, my professional pursuits have rewarded me with a growing collection of Burberry coats (my weakness), a shoe collection that I can't seem to stop adding to, and the occasional shopping trips to Neiman Marcus and Anthropologie. Not to even mention that for the first time since we both started working professionally that we have had the opportunity to travel enough to use up all of our allotted paid vacation time in 2012, which I consider an accomplishment to strive for every year from here on out.
Of course the economy (and maybe a bit of luck) has had something to do with this success. However, the real catalyst that set this crazy journey in motion was Christmas 5 years ago. John and I dutifully headed down to Cape Girardeau to spend Christmas with my grandparents. Unfortunately, this Christmas was not merry. My mother, who I have no relationship with, and who I had not seen in 10 years at the point of this trip was having her annual bout of crazy. Aside from the usual asinine comments and behavior from my grandparents such as:
1. The only redeeming quality John has is that his family took him to a Methodist Church. - Grandpa (They went to a church for about 6 months to sing in the choir.)
2. You are living in SIN! - Grandpa (Yep, we had a really cute apartment in Roscoe Village at the time.)
3. You really should wear more makeup, you are not naturally pretty. - Grandma (Whatever.)
4. You will never get anywhere in life whoring around. - Grandma - (Sure.)
5. After work, do you go back to your 'room'? - Grandma (Um, I don't live in a dorm, thanks Grandma!)
The icing on the cake of this already shitty holiday, my Grandpa took it upon himself to pull me aside, without John my boyfriend of 3 years at the time, to tell me that it was my duty and obligation as a member of the family to support my mother. I had to sit there and listen to how much my mother did for me, most of which was a fabrication on my grandfather's behalf. When I tried to remind him that my mother is someone who dumped me, at 15 years old, in Cape Girardeau, MO; emptied out my bank account, stole what little jewelry I had from my other Grandma so she could pawn it out of spite, and then disappeared. Literally, I came home from school one day she was just gone. Over dinner the night she took off, my grandma told me "You know, we really don't want you, but we feel keeping you here is the 'Christian thing to do'." But with all of that aside while commiserating my future duties with Grandpa, if I refused to take care of my mother it showed how 'ungrateful' for everything my grandparents ever did for me. Especially extending the 'kindness' to take me in.
With that conversation, I went into the living room without saying a word to my Grandma and told John that in no uncertain terms that it was time to leave. So we threw our things in the car, leaving whatever Christmas presents behind and not saying goodbye and drove home to Chicago and had our own Christmas. The next day when I checked my email I was not surprised to find a nasty-gram from my Grandpa telling me how disappointed in me he is and that I was indeed 'disowned' from the family. That was the last communication that I had with my Grandpa prior to my Grandma's funeral. And looking back on this situation, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. If it wasn't for that Christmas, I wouldn't have finally realized that my happiness and success in life is not dependent on anyone but myself and nothing is worth putting up with people who have the ability to make me that unhappy because life is too short to deal with that bullshit. So yes, in short, I am infinitely better off than I was 4 years ago. Or maybe ever for that matter.
